Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
