If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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