so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize