I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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