I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
