I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
