What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
