Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
