I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
