did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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