I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
