WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
