Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
