I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
