She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize