Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
