Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
