i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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