ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
