smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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