Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
