one two three fourrrrnication!
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Randomize
