remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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