i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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