After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
