he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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