Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
