$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
