how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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