just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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