The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
