I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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