i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize