Non-Jews are for practice
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
