i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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