Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
