Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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