I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
