Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
