i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
