I think my vagina is haunted
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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