ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
