My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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