She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
