So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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