i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
