Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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