This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
