She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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