Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize