Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
