well I can't set my house on fire every night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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