the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
