just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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