You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
