i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
