So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize