just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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