Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
