WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
