we have pet lesbian snakes
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
