apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
