just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
